The glorious days of Autumn have been full in their simple way.
What do you say when old friends ask what you are up to and all you can think of is laundry and roasted chickens and the new bonnet you started knitting, and somehow, it just doesn’t seem like it will translate? I haven’t tried this yet, but next time I might simply say something like “Oh, just keeping the rhythm,” letting the unspoken “of the universe intact” part be merely implied.
To you I can also add that I’ve been occupied with finding balance in this complicated world, returning again and again to center in the midst of plentiful distraction. Finding gratitude for the great struggles I go through in my ongoing “birth pangs” of motherhood. Just as our children experience tension and disequilibrium in their growth, I’ve learned to see my own hard times as a catalyst for wonderful growth. (Thanks to posts like this one at The Parenting Passageway for bringing me back to myself once again!)
Sewing real jersey woolens and making recycled “sweater pants” is a fine way to stretch my fledgling skills as a seamstress. Thanks to Mama Ash Grove for the inspiration. Also, amazingly, I’ve just found my way back to writing after a long rest. I had to completely let go of my expectations of myself, of the half written novel draft started years ago, of the ordinary moments not celebrated in insightful poems. I trusted that for the time being, my creative work was in the mothering, the homemaking, the singing and cooking and knitting and yes, my journal and this blog a bit. I let go of my identity as a “Writer” and embraced my life as a mother and it was a great relief, a weight lifted from my shoulders. Happily, the two are once again converging as I spend all my quiet moments of late pouring out stories of our days, turning them into something artful that feels soulful and satisfying. Another reminder of the importance of how the fallow times inevitably give way to new growth and fecundity.
See. Everything ripens in it’s time.In the meantime, I’m really working to bring the last light of the season with its brightly glowing trees inside. To light my inner fire, to blaze the spiritual fire that will carry us into the “season of light” coming round Solstice time. And yes, I’ll be singing and cooking and tending my girls as best I can. Learning just how the waist band on long underwear should be shaped, maybe getting a few lines down on paper now and then, learning (again) to say no to too much “fun” away from home, and hopefully putting the garden to bed with a few thick layers of compost and manure and mulch and a planting of winter rye .
In other words, just keeping the rhythm of the universe intact.
As are you, my friends!
10 Replies to “Days of Wonder”
“See. Everything ripens in its time.”
I’m going to keep repeating this to myself. Thank you for writing!
Lol, oh I love it. Just, you know, keeping the universe intact. So true!
Beautiful tomatoes you have dear, and what a happy sounding way to put the garden to sleep. Hoping you’ll show us some of your knitting sometime. And how lovely to have writing find you – I find, also, that being willing to let it lie fallow is so key, and brings many blessings. Enjoy !
Gosh I love when you post, you so often speak right to me, it seems. As you talk about your creative outlet of mothering and your writing put aside, I think of my former life as a classical musician, and how it’s been set aside for the time being, as my hands and heart and mind are busy elsewhere. Lately though as my older two are coming into music more, I find myself playing with them and finding that self again, and I remember I am still that person too.
Glad to hear you are making woolens!
It seems one of our biggest tasks is to trust that all good things come in their time…how special to be able to share music with your children, connecting with them in that magic way, while connecting with your own musical spirit, too.
i love this post and feel that i almost could have written it myself. i too am a writer, but with the birth of my child i found that part of myself at rest for a good long while. it wasn’t just that i didn’t have the time or the energy, it’s that my energies were simply elsewhere. i was busy learning what it was to be a mother, what it is to keep a house and a garden and a family, and that involves a lot of creative energy channeled into a lot of different activities. i find that kind of balanced home life to be incredibly nourishing, but it can be difficult to explain to those who are working outside of the home, in our masculinist culture that values specialized production-based work. it’s been difficult too to not be writing and wondering if i ever would be a writer again, but i’ve tried to let that be and trust in the fallow times. and here i am of late, suddenly finding myself writing again. i didn’t know how i would ever find the time or energy again, and yet i find myself thinking of stories as i lay in bed at night and i find myself carving out a little writing time in the morning. and it was good to know that this part of myself was still there lying fallow under the dirt. and it is good to know that there’s room enough for mothering and homesteading and the writing besides. i am glad to hear that your writing is finding you again too.
Meredith, you took the words out of my mouth! I love the image of the stories coming bubbling up at bedtime. And for ages now I’ve had the dream of rising before my girls (no mean feat!) to write, but just didn’t feel the passion enough to actually do it. Now, though, I feel so compelled to re-enter that space that who knows, it might just happen.
I love all your posts and I loved this part especially:
I trusted that for the time being, my creative work was in the mothering, the homemaking, the singing and cooking and knitting and yes, my journal and this blog a bit. I let go of my identity as a “Writer” and embraced my life as a mother and it was a great relief, a weight lifted from my shoulders. Happily, the two are once again converging as I spend all my quiet moments of late pouring out stories of our days, turning them into something artful that feels soulful and satisfying. Another reminder of the importance of how the fallow times inevitably give way to new growth and fecundity.
I am learning to embrace the identity of writer and feeling a certain weight also lift from my shoulders in moving that direction but struggling so much right now with what success looks like in that role. I know what being successful mother homemaker and homeschooler feels like and looks like for me. But writer… I just don’t know. Anyway, that has nothing to do with your post. Just my ramblings.
Wonderful blog! I’ve just been enjoying your thoughful writng and look forward to keeping in touch. Thank you.
There is a special delight in getting this look at the inner world of a friend! Thanks for writing again. I’ve missed it. I feel like my own rhythm-keeping has slipped this week. I’m hurried and dragging in turns as I await these births and my transition from mama into super-doula. Thanks for the reminder: everything ripens in its time. Especially babies.